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Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
1:47 am - damn.
So basically i was just talking to my aunt online and i found out threw her that my grandfathers twin brother killed himself 2 weeks ago.he did it b/c it was my grandfathers 5th i think, anniversary of him commiting suicide. so wouldnt you think that i would hear this from my father? nope...since i dont like him at all, he thinks it is justifible to not tell me b/c i dont talk to him....the only one i dont like is him...that doesnt give him the right to ignore the fact that i dont know about my great uncle....i was going to visit him next year when i got the money...he lived in seattle....i dont know what to do with myself...part of me wants to rip his throat out with a dull blade, the other part of me wants to run to seattle and go see my uncles grave...and pray a thousand times to god about why........WHY? the world doesnt make sense to me anymore.

current mood: crappy

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Monday, October 10th, 2005
2:00 am - o the wonderful world.
O boy...

School is well not too bad but not that great. I have been trying to make friends and all, but they aren't really people I care to spend time with out side of the classroom.

Not to be cleshay (spelling) *typical*...but I have been in this phase where, I have finally found my "clique" and then all of a sudden everything is fucked up now and I find myself sitting at home a lot wondering where everything went wrong. I've noticed the boys start a lot of BS and unnecessary drama. I want everything to go back to normal. The boys are all going into the army, that leaves one boy, and well heh that'll be a trip in its own. I am in this kind of mood lately where I know I am too busy for a boyfriend but I kind of want one b/c I miss that feeling of having someone there to hold you and make you feel safe. Also the intimacy. there have been a couple guys I have been interested in lately, but I'm not sure if I am interested in them merely b/c I want a bf or if I am just having one of those real lonely feelings. I have been hurt a lot in the past and I am kind of hesitant to try to make something with a friend of mine that I hung out with a few days ago. Not sure if we have much in common. Wednesday was the 1st time we have actually hung out, only took 4 years to do so, who knows. I might give him a call tomorrow just to talk or what not.

Work- I quit subway, the owners suck, too much bullshit. so I am jobless for the first time in 3 years. It's not like me to just quit without backup but I couldnt deal with it anymore. even though not having money sucks, it's kind of nice b/c this is the frist time I have been able to give myself some time to breath and not feel like I have a timeline...although it's given me a lot of time to think about (above paragraph). Maybe its good though because it lets me put everything in order.

So basically I have a feeling that my parents relationship Isn't getting better and that msot likely my mother, sister, and I will be moving out shortly. My step father is a piece of shit and I wish he would grow up, but maybe this will be good for my mom and she can finally get away from his bullshit. That means I need to find us a place to live. I am going to try to find a place in fitchburg or leominster because I'm not ready to start all over again. I wish my mom didn't have a nack for falling for losers.

o well, I guess I will just have an interesting few weeks ahead.

current mood: confused

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Thursday, August 18th, 2005
10:10 am - Life...
so my life is longgating in the same boring, stressful routine. everything with thte boys is done the shit hole, maybe college will have a new insight for me. all i know is that the boy i want, i have no idea what he is thinking right now, i know 2 other girls he is confused about, so it is probably a bad idea to stay in that mess.

when class starts, i am going to have to study my ass off. work out, cuz i am tired of being tired all the time and out of shape.

also, i have subway, o man, i am sick of them already. i have been there for about 1 1/2 months and i want to leave, at least get out of 117, cuz dunkin donuts drives me nuts, and i wish i didnt have to wait till sunday night for my schedule for the next week. and pay is 6.75...i cant do that, i need something better and soon because i have the galant i am buying (hopefully) and then i need the money for registration, insurance (and down payment for ins) plate fee, and then there is always the gas money and paying for insurance afterwards. i am going to have no money for a while!

on top of all that, i still have to maintain the time to see my little sister, family and my friends. o man. lol life sucks :)

hey at least i went to the beach on wednesday and i am going to boston with sarah on friday yay. fun times.

thats it for now. more later.

~ash~

current mood: blah

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Thursday, August 4th, 2005
9:30 pm - ...My memorial to you...
so as most of us know now, some of our fellow friends have pasted on in an awful car accident. they were 4 great people, and still are, and will be missed by many. todd....man i never got to know you as well as i wanted too. i knew you by cliff krista and bill. the way they talked about you, made you seem so awesome. we love you man, you rocked the redneck tonight (wake), i'll see you in the next life. but for now, rock the heavens with your awesome style. for the other 3, my god be with you and have a safe journey.

current mood: hoping for better days.

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Thursday, July 28th, 2005
10:13 pm - please, any advice?
ok so here is the problem...

i have a friend that i have known for about 3 or 4 years and we get along pretty good. the thing is, he has liked me the whole time he has known me and i wouldnt mind being with him i guess, i flirt with him like crazy but there is something in my gut or my mind that tells me not to go any further than that. i guess he has a baby face still and can be immature sometimes, but arent we all at the 18 year old stage?...i wouldn't mind doing the hibidy dibity with hiim, but i'm not all for the one time stand thing. and evertime he starts to talk about another girl i get yep, you know jealous. what the hell should i do? give it a shoot? forget about it? would it screw our friend ship up if it didnt work out that way?....and he is going into the air force. argh....help me. what should i do?

current mood: confused

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Monday, July 18th, 2005
4:26 pm - o bore
not to much has been going on in my life.

i have been trying to keep in touch with friends since there is no more school. i have hung with ms. sarah ball a couple times, i'm glad we are hanging again. i've seen e- money and those bunch and a couple of the electrical crew. i have a new job, i am still at dippins but now i am working at subway, the one on 117, for now anyways they might move me someplace else. poor devin, everytime he calls me i am already doing something, dev! bad timing. and kristi, i miss her, she's my best friend, and i never see her anymore, she's got 2 jobs and a boyfriend, so i understand that she is busy, but i wanna see her again, ill prob call this weekend.

current mood: okay

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Thursday, July 7th, 2005
3:29 pm
I don't even know where to begin...

- went to the beach on a cloudy but good day with the one sarah ball, had fun.
- starting subway soon, training anyways, they sound as shitty as dippins does but at least it will be a change of senery, to bad i can't stand KM and i mightby chance have to work with her sometimes, o well be professional, and if she doesnt leave me alone then its not my fault at what happends, but other than that it'll be ok. i need the money.
- life out of highschool is ok but when i dont work, i am bored shitless unless someone wants to hang out, which isn't too often, damn. but hopefully ill be racking in the doe and can find anyother car and get rid of the "mystake" (mystique) with time i guess.
- I broke up with chris a few weeks ago because i figured out my feelings for him are just friends based, and i hurt his feelings, and that sucks because i want to be friends with him still and the fact that i hurt him anyways i dont like...so to him i am sorry for that.
- I saw the other chris the toher day and made me bitter a little bit because of the alec problem, i still can't get over the fact that he fucked up my chances with him when i was perfectly fine and if i think about it i would probably be with alec right now if it wasnt for him, and funny how he still doesn't give a rats ass that he fucked it up for me. smuck... argh. well at least we are friends now. that's good enough i guess.
- the 4th of july was boogus, went to camp, and then home and sat around adn watched the fireworks on TV yup thats right, i suck. o well....hah.

That's about it i guess, not to much is happening in the world of Ashley right now. Maybe it will spice up.

current mood: aggravated

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Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
10:43 am
well the class of 2005 graduated, now i have 6 more years in college to go through. school is never ending.

for now i need to find another day job because my dippins job is rocky plus i am not making enough money. if anyone knows of any place hiring like that, let me know.

at my grad party, made tons of molla...go figure one of the checks is made out to "ms ashley russell" lol...dont know if i can cash it.

other news, my dog got surgery on her knee, poor pennie, i have a boyfriend now, go figure his name is chris. lol.

well other then all that, not much else has changed, ill update soon, prob not lol.

anyone wanna go to the beach!?

current mood: weird

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Friday, May 27th, 2005
11:47 pm - Time...
when i first got this journal a few years back i thoughtit was extremely cool, it gave me something to do after school... well it's not.

i never have anything to say or time to say it. well this is my basic life: Work, School, and Sydney time... i need a boyfriend, and i may say i might have found a canidate but it's confusing! we'll see in the future.

the biggest news facts i may say are: today was the last day for school, it was sad but i am glad at the same time. grad is on the 4th.

and prom was good, it was on the 14th i believe. i went with my friend chris, i had fun.

Tonight was my first friday off in a while and i spent it watching my sister and then calling people (A LOT OF PEOPLE) to see what's up but most were just watching the sox/yankee game, and others not home or busy...so i basically suck, could of gone to a party but it was to crowded, so here i am after spending some time with jeff adn testa and then going for a lonely drive at night around town listening to 'ciara'.

i also need a second job, one i can work at during the morning or day, i want my nights.

college in the fall, CJ (criminal justice) and ceramics...who wants an ash tray? lol.

well thats about it, i'm bored, have a good night and o ya MARK you're welcome for me helping you get your cell phone back :) dork.

current mood: bored

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Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
3:15 pm - prom...
I think this might work, if not, ill have sarah help me or something....prom.



current mood: tired

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Monday, December 6th, 2004
8:26 pm - time and time again.
not too many interesting things have happend latley but the basics...

october 31st, i took my little sister trick or treating for a little while with my parents and then kristi and i hung out and went to friendly's. that was a good night.

november 8th, i went to an acting/modeling audition for a sponcership. i was picked and was all excited but wqe didn't sign because it cost to much.

november 25th, i spent thanksgiving at home with; mom, dad (steve), ryan, wendy, jared, crystal, drew, lexi, and sydney. thanksgiving was o so good. also fun. that night went to crystals to watch movies and play games.

november 28th, my mother, syd, and i went to get a tree with jared and crystals family. the tree might i ass looks wonderful because I decorated it myself :)

My life isn't really boring since i am mostly always busy, but all i hqve really been doing is going to school, and then work most days. on my free time hanging with the baby and probably once a week or maybe every two weeks i see some buddies. i dont try to not see anyone, it's just that i am so tired after i get out of work, so i just go home and go to sleep. i'm an old geezer that works hard for 6.75 an hour lol. i suck.

in the summer i might work at my moms friends farm a couple times a week adn then i'll be getting 7 an hour at bobs by then so hopefully ill be getting enough to save and all. i am hoping to get a loan for maybe a mustang or camaro some time in the summer.

On the 'boy' subject...not much is going on. there are some interests that i have that they wouldnt have a clue in the world becasue they are oblivious and would never consider it. there is one that i still haven't gotten over, but it's hopeless b/c i think he is to wrapped up in his job and school, plus i fucked shit up a lot. i would love for one of them to want to be with me, but i am dreaming. i'm not really sure if people even see me as attractive any more...i know i'm not really ugly, but no one has been interested in me since probably june. eh, things will come in tune some day.

Well tired of writing. off to no where.

current mood: sick

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Saturday, October 16th, 2004
7:23 pm
If you asked me what the last time i made an entry, i couldnt tell you. basically, lately, all i have been doing is going to school, going to work, and thats about it. school as of right now, is "ok" the drama, very low, the grades are decent except in writing and lit with i think i bombed some tests in there. trade. well if i ACTUALLY attend class then its boring/ok but other than that havent been going lol. bad kid i am. i got my senior pictures done, and they look alright, at least of what i saw on the photgraphers camera. at work, i feel like i live there. i am always there, and they need me cuz i help keep the order around there even though they don't notice it at all. i am going to try to better my friendship with carli, sarah, and some others. figuring stuff about college isnt going far. all i know is for right now, the first or even 2nd year ill be at the mount (mount wachusett community college) and get all of my basic classes out of the way, then, who knows where, any place that does forensics or massage therapy. life right now is kind of border line...the meds are helping, but i used to be really messed up, now i am just dealing with all the bullshit. well sister wants to to play with her so tootles.

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Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
9:42 pm
As of the last post, my life has not entirely but some what improved.

~Alec and I are friends again! Thanks to ryan and i's party at my house, and i talked to the butt head. now we are buddies again hehe. i love that kid. definatly a friend you would want to keep.

~the "drama" is kind of dieing down. thank god.

~School sucks asshole, but i did switch back into trade where i feel more comfortable but my trade teacher gave me a proposition...to work with 8th graders for 9 weeks (techically 4 ish, cuz of trade and academic week), might i add, in all honesty i dont know all that much about my feild, i know enough to not kill my self and the simple crap but other than that nothing, and they want me to TEACH the little kids! ahhh. eh, o well, wont last too long i guess.

~work is the same as always, but i quit dippins, my last day is the 16th! so come visit if your bored lol.

~i think i might start dating one of my buds from school, we are hanging out tomorrow i believe so that'll be kool, even though i want to go see the play offs at the dek center. maybe i will just drag him there. :)

I thought i had a doctors appointment at 930 in the morning tomorrow and thought i could wake up late, no go, its for 430, damn, that sucks, o well...guess i will have to deal with that program after all.

i have to find a therapist to go too cuz my doctor is going to get mad at me if i dont because i cant be on my meds if not seeing one of them...so that is a must. its only my 3rd day taking it, not much of a change but its kind of changing my mood a little bit.

i get to baby sit my baby sister on thursday...i love her to bits, tonight she finally figured out how to say "i love you too"....i almost melted. it was one of the greatest moments i have ever had...you might know what i am talking about if you have a little sibling that is young enough to be your kid lol.

dont know what else to really say in here other than cant wait for snowboarding season..

THE END :)

current mood: confused

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Sunday, August 29th, 2004
11:55 pm - everything has a reason.
"No wonder you are always stressed, you have s much going on in your life! physco"

Basically, yup. people wonder why i get so moody sometimes haha. maybe it's because i have alot on my plate adn i am trying to fit more on it then i can.

I dont even realize how long its been since i last updated i guess a few weeks ago?

Nothing ever really changes in my life... the basics - i work, go to the dek center and masons, and spend time with my baby sister. other then that, sleep i guess lol. i have been really tired lately and i want to get rid of these damn black eye circle things under my eyes. i hate it, i know i am italian so i will have them no matter what, but what the fuck...it makes me look half dead sometimes yet people still think im atrative lol. i dont get it.

School is coming soon, i hope for it to go by fast, so i can just finish that chapter...this annoying one in my life and start a new one and have it be better, hopefully. i dont remember all my classes but i believe i have: ing alg and geo, senior english, creative writing, jobs for bay state grads, anatomy and phys, gym, world hist 2 (yup again i suck lol), basic art, and hmmm, that television class? what ever the hell it is, idk its really hard to get into and i dont even care for it lol. o well.

As of the relationship deal...o yup you guessed it, nothing.

I wish i was more articulate in music, and lyrically talented like my brother and also like Loran! i have so many feelings, and i can write them down like i was bitching or explaining but nothing with imagery or imagination to the soul...it's all just to plain. i need some inspiration. speaking of inspiration, i want to redo my bed room, maybe itll cheer me up, but i dont have the time, nor ideas of how to do it, my room is very hard to put shit in different places because of how it is layed out, also, i want to repaint my room, a solid color, multiple, or draw pictures? who knows. what should i do, i want an asian style type of room, but i have asian, tye die, and faeries, so it doesnt match well lol. think people think.

The hockey game today after work was good, i love my brothers, they play well. i still want to join one of the teams in there league, but i dont know who's team to try to join, not tds or subway, subway has my brothers, another sibling would be too much hehe, and ghettofish, they dont really like more then 8 people max cuz todd sucks lol, i wanna play. no todd is cool but that is stupid though. i want in! no amtter how much i get shit for it. so what i am a girl....i dont take bull shit, "o my god i broke a nail" haha, i hate that shit, i want the game not pussy play. :) so hard core right lol. i am so odd. what ever. i guess i am out. for i have to work early in the morning! ick. good night people.

current mood: lonely

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Thursday, August 12th, 2004
11:48 pm
Well, life as of late is just kind of crappy, there are good days i guess and then there are the "eh, i guess it could be worse days", don't get me wrong, i am not always down but lately, that's all it feels like to me, one after another thing goes wrong and i never have the energy to fix it and when i do, the other person or object doesnt care. so basically i am just really tired of trying. come money i am going to call my doctor back again and talk to her about that medicine and see if things look any better after that. so far, work blows, i hate going to my works, i am just so tired of it all and getting crap for pay, i guess when you are in highschool that happends though right!?! school, i dont know about all that, i switched into academics and i was ok with the decision till now, i guess the teacher i hate might not be the trade teacher for this coming year, whihc means i would only have to deal with cliff...that sucks, but i really miss trade, i do, plus i dont want to deal with all the stupid teen highschool drama. even though i hate trade sometimes, it really is my comfort zone, and even though i have been at lhs since mid freshman year, it feels like i am switching schools again...and thats not to appealing to me. I guess i should just toughen up and just hope that this year goes by good and fast and try hard in school and ignore the drama. The boy thing, still sucks, havent talked to best bud since saturday, and the other boy, i havent made any effort to try to talk to since i know he wont pick up or call back and i know why but i wish he wouldnt be so stubborn and just let me talk to him. i need a time machine and fix everything. tomorrow i have to go to the dentist...bah, i need to get a filling, and my mouth will be retarded again, i hate the feeling, i cant eat, cuz everything just falls out lol. today i bought 2 shirts from work, one is a black rusty one and the other is billabong long sleeve, i like them both, i will go shopping for pants some day, i guess i am just procrastinating. just one more year then college...that is also a worry of mine, i have some idea's of what i want to major in, but i dont know what would be best for me. my bud mike thinks i would be a good teacher for kids, of some kind, and then there is the scientific part of me, which could lead to many different possibilities, and the medical career, maybe nurse, or massage therapist, or cyropractor...who knows. argh, i dont know how to choose. at least i am going to the mount for 1 or 2 years and get all the basics down, and then transfer to a 4 year college. o man, i played hockey with some little kids tonight at my brothers game, and the little boys kicked my out of shape ass, i haven't played in a while, and man, i sweat like a bastard. also played with my brothers gf's daughter for a while and she made me run up and down the rink so many times, i am pooped now. haha just made up this stupid rhyme "stupid cupid"...dork i am. well hopefully something fuck will happen friday night, i am tired of just seeing people for 5 mnutes then seeing them go home. bah. Damn ok i am done writing, i am getting tired! and i smell from hockey so shower and then bed, so goodnight leominster.

current mood: lonely

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Saturday, August 7th, 2004
12:31 am
WHY the fuck not post in here, got nothing to do like usual. I jsut have soem much to say or just have on my mind and i REALLY jsut want to fucking break a cement wall....last time i hit one, it hurt me more than it those so maybe not. Its just that every time i try to be happy, he is right there making it a living hell, i love him to death best buds right...but o my fuck...no matter what i do, or he does, it bites us in the ass and its always his god damn fault, so i dont know why i have to deal with the bullshit! all i want is to be happy, but apparently i cant even have that... i just don't get it thats all, i am sick of this habit...and i wanna break it. i want to be his best bud still, cant bare not being his best bud, but i really need to change how things are, things need to go my way for once, so i dont go insane. fuck. i wanna just fuck up on drugs, go in a comma and not have to be alive right now, man maybe i realyl should go get those anti-D pills, i am fucked with life right now. shit. fuck the world. crap stick. i am tired of being sad. sorry.

current mood: FCUK

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Monday, July 26th, 2004
3:12 pm
might as well write in here...i have the time b4 great ol' work time.

first off...

some friendships are seeming to be better then they used to be. Some are well, a work in progress, i really miss him i do, and i can't believe how bad i fucked up, i know i wasnt alone in doing that, but it is mopstly me sicne i am the one who made the decision, i am working hard to fix it all, at least get him to forgive me, and maybe even take me back?...maybe. who knows, time will tell.

and with chris...love the kid, best friend, no relationship feelings for him anymore though, he has fucked up way too much for me to care that way anymore, cept the hurt from the past. i know nora adn i dont get along...and that no one trust me, but you knwo what i have had it with him at least in that department, but he is supossed to be my best friend, and the baileys are trying to kick me out of his life...which i dont find funny. i find it really fucked up really. they jsut think now that she is in his life that they know everything, and that i am just the evil person, well guess what i am not going to steal him away believe me. you are taking away my best friend i hope you feel wonderful about that...thanks.

life is basically the same, work, friends, family, sleep... SSDD. till school, same amount of work hours and plus school full time...bah. the figuring out whats wrong with my body is still a question, never seems to get better. my doctor made me reschedule while i had half my cloths on waiting for an examination, go figure lol. it is for next week though, so hopefully this time goes better. also, getting a new cell phone, hopefully the same number, but maybe not, ill let you guys know. well time to realax...bye.

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Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
5:28 pm
Since i am bored, i am going to do this quiz thinger that shane did b/c i am really boresd at the moment, but not all 278 q's cuz im nto that bored!

" Y O U "
.001. ] Name: Ashley
.002. ] Gender: female
.003. ] Age: 17
.004. ] Birthday: april 87'
.005. ] Height: 5'4
.006. ] Hair color: brunette
.007. ] Eye color: hazel
.008. ] Race: white/italian
.011. ] Zodiac sign: aries
.012. ] How many languages do you know: 1 and some french/italian
.014. ] Piercings you have: 4
.015. ] Piercings you want: industrial, repierce my bottom naval skin, 2 more rows on my ears, and maybe some day my tounge
.016. ] Tattoos you have: none
.017. ] Tattoos you want: 2, one on my upper back, and one on my hips, but only my good friends know what they are.

" F A V O R I T E "
.033. ] Clothing brand: dickies
.034. ] Shoes: adidas
.036. ] TV show: nip tuck, family guy, ER, or friends.
.037. ] Sport: hockey
.041. ] Magazine: maxim ;)
.044. ] Scent: watermelon, clean yet dirty men
.046. ] Color: black, red, and dark blue.
.047. ] Season: fall or winter..snowboarding season!
.048. ] Holiday: halloween
.049. ] Type of music: alternative...
.051. ] Bands: incubus, deftones, korn, nodoubt.
.052. ] Books: fantasy
.054. ] Junk food: um, twix
.055. ] Overall food: steak or ravioli's
.056. ] Shoe brand: adidas or vans
.057. ] Fast food: burgerking
.058. ] Restaurant: monties garden
.062. ] State: washington
.063. ] Boys name: aleczander
.066. ] Car: Camaro Z28
.069. ] Disney character: Tinker bell!

" H A V E / W O U L D Y O U E V E R . . "
.104. ] Been in love: Yes
.105. ] Cried when someone died: Yes
.106. ] Drank alcohol: Yes
.115. ] Flashed someone: No
.116. ] Told the person you liked how you felt: Yes
.123. ] Kissed someone of the same sex: No



LATELY, i dont know what is wrong with people, best friend seems to not like me, even though i have no idea what happend. you know i really dont feel like writing in here right now so more later.

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Monday, July 12th, 2004
1:34 am - ...The mear thought of it makes me dream...
When do dreams become reality and reality become a dream?

Sometimes life seems so fake to me that it isn't worth being around, that i should go off and find my fairy tale ending to my o so complicated life. It's weird really, sometimes i am ok, and life seems to be a dream, and then bamm someone has to knock me off of cloud 9, and i have to deal with my life again. I feel that i sometimes deserve the crap i get but sometimes i try so hard adn i get kicked in the face anyways and i dont deserve it.

It feels like, the one thing i knew was right in my life, that kept me a float in that deep ocean of a world i live in, was right, untill it got taken away from me, and i am the bad guy some how, and i don't know why, all i have ever been was honest and respectable, but yet they hate me, b/c it was I who was the one who had it all till they took it away, so i am a threat, even though i would never steal any thing from someone, i let life run its course, even though i know what will happen in the future anyways. The one thing in the world that made me feel like i had a purpose in life and want more out of life, is gone. I really don't care now if i am the enemy, or the one they are jealous about, its not like they have anything to be jealous for, then took the only thing i had that made me whole, and they knew it too. So if you hate me go ahead, b/c you are the pathetic one, you may have what you want now, but sooner or later you will realize karma. All i know now is that i really don't understand how people can be so stupid, or careless.

Just want to find a nice person to hang with, have a good time, and share some intimate times with, someone that i know won't mess things up b/c they are scared or confused. i know i know, i dont need to be married, nor do i want to be, just want to find comfort thats all.

Can't wait till this senior year...o wait yes i can, well i guess it is my only way out now b/c of course the LHS councilers screwed me over yet again. I don't want my life to flash before my eyes but i want to just be able to do the things my friends can, move out of my house, start a new chapter of my life, get the car i have always wanted, find a roomy that doesnt bug the hell out of me, go to college for the things i WANT to study and not forced too. All i know is i am going to try to make this summer some what worth my time.

"Every life has a story to it, just like a book. It may not be the award winning one, but at least it has a meaning." (just thought of by my creepy place of a mind)

Let that some how be my uplifting qoute of the entry.

When i get out of school, i want to take a trip to seattle, go to my peaceful place, that ocean view, the bridge that over looks the space needle, or even taking a walk down the block to go get chocolate candy and flowers for my step mom when i felt like being her friend. The rainy days that i would take a walk in the rain with my grandfather (RIP) or the horse n' buggy rides around town just to get a "beetle" car at the toy store. Or even the science museum where i could jsut frawlock away from the fuck faces i stayed with, and jsut sink my mind into science for a couple hours. these things may all seem stupid to you, but they are some of the few good memories i have as a child, the only few...maybe ill move there after sydney grows up, i want to watch her grow up first, i love her too much to not be able to see that beautiful little girl grow up into the person she is to become.

Well i guess that is all for now, my neck is getting sore again and my eyes heavy with weight... good night leominster, off to NeverLand.

current mood: Wishful

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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
5:53 pm - Left a trail of pixie dust.
YAY Time for a new update on my days cuz i have the rest of the day to jack off.

we will start off with the 1st..since then, can't remember everything but i know i have been hanging out with the boys and my babes. Friday night, some of us went to evans cabin, that was dece cept i couldnt get shawn to go in the water lol pansy! saturday, was my day! Krit brought me lys and linz to see incubus for lys and i's birthday gifts. lys and i got floor tickets and were close as hell to brandon, we got his sweat! hell ya. thank you krit i love you, best bday present ever. sunday was the 4th.

The 4th: started off by wacking up at a decent time where i wasnt feeling dead, went to the camp to see my baby bop and the parents, had some hamburgers and watched spider man for the FIRST TIME EVER! then went home to see ryan for a little bit, after that went to my friend Shane's party, was kind of nervous ESP after i met his aunt, she tried to hook me up with him, he is pretty cute and really nice but i never really have long conversations with him cuz all he does is watch nascar and listen to pink floyd, love PF but its just one fo the many things i listen too...so usually are conversations are about cars or PF, gets boring after a while...so then i meet his mom and his aunt says i am his GF lol, i said no just buds, his mom....totally gone! i mean so drunk, grabs me kisses me on the cheek and drags me to go dance infront of the whole family...i ran away lol, i met the rest of his family and friends, i felt like they thought i was party of the family or something haha, probably just because they are the only female that actually got to meet his family haha. Poor shane. o well he gets the chevell ss! nice. congrats dude. went to the 99 to watch the fire works after that with testa and kevin and met todd and his family there, they were ehh. i wanted to go to the football feild to find julie and shawn, he is like my brother i love him, and julie is awesome, one of my good friends...so all in all the 4th was good.

Since then, i have just been working every day, i work 6 days a week, sucks btu i need the hours for the money. hanging with the boys too, other than that not much. Need to get people to go to the beach badly, my body quenches it, plus need to meet more people, i need more friends haha. Have to call sarah about the beach too, and call carli cuz i miss her too. I spent so much money today, yesterday and today i bought cloths at work and also today went to N.bury comics adn bought a new hemp necklace and Meteora (linkin park), no more shopping for about a month! yep, haha that wont last, alright i am tired adn the baby is here so i am going to play with her for a little bit! byes.

current mood: hopeful

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